i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
