I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
