Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
