im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
