I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
