i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
