I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
