Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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