My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
