The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
