I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
