did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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