Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
