Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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