in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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