help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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