Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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