She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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