They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
