apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
