dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
