I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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