I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
