I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
