Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
