on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
