Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
