How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
