he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
