i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
