I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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