i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
