you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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