So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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