I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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