I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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