How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
fuck your aforementioned shoe
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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