what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
