Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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