first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
