There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
