You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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