Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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