OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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