My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
