Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
