I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
