a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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