Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
