It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
