I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
