Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
