Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
