But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
