I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
