is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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