I heard we made out
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
