Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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