cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
