i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
