no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
