Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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