forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
