i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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