the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
