had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
