There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
