are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
