she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
