You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
