weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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