dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
how drunk are you?
Several
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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