we have pet lesbian snakes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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