I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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