Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she smelled like a LAN party
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
