Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
