I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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