he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
