I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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