He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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