just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
