If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
