You're so nebulous sometimes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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